Got A Complaint?

Most of us have heard, “If you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything at all.” Nonsense! You can complain to your partner, your children and even to your boss….so long as you do it with the best chance of having them hear you. I’m not talking about nagging or criticizing; I am talking about letting others know how you feel in a way that elicits a genuine connection.

“I messages” were all the rage some years ago and they haven’t lost their luster. When you start a conversation with “I feel….” you’re inviting someone to listen rather than run for the hills because they feel under attack. Tell someone how you feel about a particular situation or behavior. Rather than describing the person in a negative light, talk about how the situation makes you feel. Follow that up with what you need from that person about the feeling you’re having regarding the situation; how can that person make the situation better.

For example: I’m furious about the dent in the car. I need you to drive more carefully or I am angry the bills were not paid on time. I need to sit down with you and develop a better plan.

When you tell someone what you need you are problem solving rather than complaining. Connecting with your partner on this emotional level is a great way to open the door for further, non-confrontational conversation.

I feel about behavior or situation and I need from you…. Go ahead and tell your partner how they can shine for you!

Exercise Your Way To A Healthy Relationship

We all know to have a healthy heart we need to get up off the couch and move. Walking, running or yoga-ing are a few obvious right answers. For those who are committed to a healthy lifestyle, these tasks become something you look forward to because you understand (and love) the benefits. You not only feel better, but your self-confidence increases and your mood improves.

But what if I told you that exercising in your relationship can do the exact same thing for you? Crazy? I think not. The type of exercises you do in your partnership may take on a different form, however the end results are feeling better, improved mood and self-confidence.

These exercises are commitments you make to each other to focus on the health of your relationship. This may be a daily check-in at the end of the day when you share your biggest success or a deliberate phone call to say you’re thinking about your partner sometime after lunch.

Making the effort for a goodbye kiss in the morning and looking forward to your partner coming home for the next kiss is a super exercise to keep your relationship in great shape. Make the commitment to each other to strengthen and maintain your partnership and you’ll begin to look forward to (and love) the benefits.